


Breakeven

by villalunae



Series: Heartbreak [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Coma, F/M, POV Third Person, Sadstuck, What Have I Done, What Was I Thinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-03
Updated: 2015-05-03
Packaged: 2018-03-28 19:45:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3867541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/villalunae/pseuds/villalunae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes people fall into a coma.</p><p>Most of the time it's a very unfortunate moment for that person to fall into a coma.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Breakeven

**Author's Note:**

> its sadstuck
> 
> but you gotta read to the end

Nepeta sprinted -- No, she ran down the hallway, her foosteps echoing in the deserted corridor. She could hear muffled voices in the rooms around her, but they were unclear and wordless in her mind. Her thoughts were clouded by the one thing that mattered right now.

Getting to door number 527.

It was unfortunate that they had decided to do it today. It was unnatural that they had only given them notice an hour ago. And it was uncalled for that she, nor Kankri, nor Silas, could change their minds.

Equius and Feferi had been with her when she got the call and they all took Feferi's 2001 beat up silver mercedes to get there. Equius had to remind her several times to drive carefully, to which Feferi took no heed even though he was a police officer. Feferi dropped her and Equius off at the entrance before looking for a parking spot and it took the two of them exactly thirty seconds to get to the front desk, ask for the room, be denied because they weren't family, Equius to _actually threaten_ (Something he had never done before) the lady at the desk, then finally be told the room. Equius had stayed at the front desk to wait for Feferi and Nepeta had bolted upstairs, taking three steps at a time because the elevator was broken.

Equius had called Gamzee in the car and he was on his way right now. Nepeta called Silas and Kankri, who were both stuck overseas, and told them what was happening. The two called back not five minutes later, just as Feferi took a sharp turn and almost hit a red pick up truck, to say that the hospital had denied them as well.

And at this point, Nepeta was just about ready to kick somebody in the balls.

Nepeta's eyes strayed to the numbers on the walls as her heart pounded in her chest. She was utterly surprised doctors weren't running after her, yelling that she was about to have a heart attack.

523 . . . The door was open and some old lady was asleep, or dead, inside . . . 525 revealed a tiny child holding a balloon . . . 527's door was closed and voices were coming out of it . . . 529 had a crayon drawing of a little--

"527!" Nepeta whipped around and bolted for the room door. Her body almost slammed into the wooden frame and her hand dropped to the handle and she heard a clicking noise and she watched the door crash open and her hand drop to her side.

Seven doctors stood around a bed, housing someone she could not see. A few of the people had donned pink scrubs and others wore blue. One man wore a purple one and he was the first to turn around to see who had crashed the party. Others turned around with him and she could tell at least one person was furious she had interrupted. A few moments passed as the group stared at the tiny girl who had appeared in the doorway. Finally, the silence was broken by a girl in pink stepping forward, smiling politely.

"Ma'am, do you have the wrong room?" She asked sweetly and Nepeta felt her head shake. The woman's face fell for only a moment before she replaced it with a honey covered smile.

"Surely you do, we are--"

"This is Karkat Vantas's room, right?"

A few of the doctors shifted uneasily, eyes straying to one another. The woman who had stepped forward now showed a different face as she nodded slowly.

"Ye-es, this would be his room--"

"Then I am demanding you all stop what you're doing." Nepeta's voice was steady and she could tell a few doctors were a bit taken aback by the tiny woman. The woman in pink's head turned to look at the tall man dressed in purple. He stepped forward.

"Ma'am, unless you are a relative--"

"I'm his girlfriend."

That seemed to shut everyone up.

For a few seconds.

"Ma'am, though I know your intentions are true," The doctor in purple started, his voice oozing,"But I still can not allow anyone but relatives in the room, and only relatives can allow them to stop--"

"Oh really now?"

This voice was not Nepeta's steady, demanding tone offered in her sweet, quiet voice. No, this voice was harsh and loud, shown off by the stitch and pitch of their tone.

Yet it was still feminine, and it was still Terezi's  
.  
Nepeta turned and grinned, relieved, at the girl in the doorway, standing in front of a furious Feferi and a silently disapproving Equius. She handed a red and white cane to Feferi and walked inside, stopping next to the even shorter girl, and propped her elbow up on Nepeta's shoulder.

"If my information is correct," Terezi pitched, her voice carrying about the room. One doctor seemed about to speak up and Terezi directed her voice his way ,"And I am positive it is, _sir_ , then the man in the bed's relatives, also known as his biological father and brother, have declined the hospital in cutting their son and brother's cord. Also known as keeping him alive one more day."

The man in purple and the woman in pink shared a look as Terezi stared them down, her narrowed eyes hidden behind deep red shades. They took a moment to proceed, and when it looked like they would, Terezi butted in with,"Anything you say and do can and will be used against you in a court of justice, just reminding you."

The man in purple's eyes widened.

"You're charging the hospital?" He asked, sounding scandalous and sharing the same look the rest of the doctors had on. Terezi nodded.

"Oh, definitely. You were notified, as I've confirmed through the front desk--" She turned to Equius,"--And by the way, thanks for asking that!" He nodded and she turned back around,"-- that the relatives flat out denied the 'cutting of the cord' on a mister Karkat Vantas. I would like to remind you that by continuing the procedure after you had been told of the relative's wishes is against hospital policy as well as normal medical conduct. Not to mention you only told those closest to him but an hour ago, completely obliterating and ignoring Patient-Relative Policy. If we press charges every doctor present here could be in serious trouble with the law."

Well that certainly shut everyone up.

Except Terezi.

"Now, as a lawyer, I have no right to ask you to step into the hallway and allow me to question you," Terezi said, a frown now displayed on her face. Nobody moved. But, ever so slowly, the doctors in the room noticed the corners of the lawyer's mouth curve upward.

"However, as a police officer, I have authority to do so."

Nepeta grinned as she heard Equius's strong voice sweep over the room and the chill that followed. Equius stepped up and put a hand on her shoulder.

"If you'd like, I can present my badge. But for now I'd feel it in everyone's best interest to follow me and Miss Pyrope into the hallway," Equius announced and moved aside, gesturing to the now open doorway. Feferi stood by the side of it, frowning slightly in her dark pink skirt.

Equius's hard stance and glaring eyes behind sunglasses seemed to do it, for the few still standing by the bed reluctantly moved forward and into the hallway, passing by Nepeta and Terezi. The doctors in pink and purple shared a look before cowering in Feferi's hard glare and stepping into the hallway. Nepeta instantly turned to Terezi as soon as they left.

"How'd you show up?" Nepeta asked, her eyes curious. Terezi rolled her eyes and smirked.

"Equius called me as soon as you two found out the room," Terezi said,"And I decided that I could break the speed limits just one time--"

"Just once?" Equius interrupted,"What about that time you bolted over to the police station because you decided you just had to tell somebody about your new case and Sollux and I were the first ones you thought of?"

"That was different!" Terezi brushed off,"It was very important! Anyway," Terezi looked back at Nepeta,"I'll deal with them. I'm not technically family, or girlfriend, or third cousin twice-removed or something, so I can't legally be in here."

"Are you sure?" Nepeta asked,"I mean, either way, the dates set. He'll be gone by tomorrow. I just . . ."

"It's fine. I can say goodbye some other time. We all can. You should have some time alone," Terezi smiled and gave Nepeta a quick hug then walked out of the room, Feferi handing Terezi her cane back. Equius gave Nepeta a look, signaling he would speak with her later, and followed Terezi out. Feferi walked up to Nepeta and hugged her, wrapping her arms around her back and squeezing tightly. Nepeta did the same.

"Hey, it'll be alright," Feferi said, still holding Nepeta,"You'll be alright. I know it. And even if you're not, I'll be right here with you." Feferi realeased Nepeta and squeezed her arms. Nepeta smiled at her slightly.

"I. . . I'll remember that," Nepeta felt her throat tighten. Feferi smiled at her sadly, and, with one last squeeze, left the room, pulling the door shut behind her. Nepeta let go of a sigh and turned around slowly to face the bed. She hadn't been here for a while. A month at least. She thought maybe, just maybe, if she left for long enough this would all disappear. It was a small hope and now it had been diminished. She didn't forget his shape like she hoped she would. She didn't forget his features like she thought she would. His dark skin, given to him by his Iranian relatives. His dark hair from who knows where, everyone else in his family had dark brown, but his was black. His eyes were closed but she could see the bright green from anywhere in the world. She could still feel his light embrace even though he couldn't.

She knew she'd never forget it, so why did she try so hard to?

Nepeta supposed it was instinct. Everyone tried to forget things sometimes. But it never worked, now did it?

She looked around the room, hoping for something to occupy her. She found something, fortunately. The curtains were pulled shut and the room was surviving on man-made lighting. She figured she should change that.

"I don't know why they do this, it's such a nice day outside . . ." She muttered as she walked over to them. Her hands grabbed one curtain and pulled it back, then the other, and suddenly the lamps weren't needed. The room was beautifully lit by daylight now and Nepeta smiled slightly to herself. She walked over to the light switch and flicked it, and instantly all the lights in the room were off and the bland white room was bathed in an afternoon glow. Nepeta put her hands on her sides and stood there for a moment.

Everything felt at peace even though it wasn't.

Nepeta turned back to the bed and stared at the person on it. For a moment she just stared at him. It felt like he was so far away. But he was right here, five feet away from her. She wondered why this was. The answer was obvious.

She saw a chair, wooden with red cushions, sitting a little bit away from the bed. She recognized it quite well. A few weeks after the incident she had taken to reading to him even though he might not hear it. She felt comforted by the thought he might.

That was before she had fully grasped his situations for what it was.

Nepeta pulled the chair forward and up to the left side of the bed so that she was facing the window. A chill went up her spine for some reason. She hadn't been this close to him in so long.

Why hadn't she?

His head was facing the ceiling and his face was clear of expression, seemingly fast asleep. His mouth was closed and so were his eyes. She knew his teeth were just as white as ever underneath his lips. The doctors had assured her that they would apply some sort of solvent to his teeth to keep them that way. It's funny she had asked that instead of anything else. She had always liked his teeth. But why hadn't she asked anything else?

His hands were closed on top of his chest and his arms were exposed above the white sheets. She reached her hand up to touch them and stopped suddenly in the middle of doing so. What was she thinking?

And then she realized she wasn't thinking and she layed her hand on top of his. She felt herself tense up as she made contact with his rough skin. Her fingers lay on his and she could feel every little bit of her breaking. She wished he would just grab her hand out of nowhere and hug her like he used to. She used to hope something like this wasn't permanent. But that was before she had accepted his situation.

She sighed and took a deep breath, one following the other.

"I hated finding out," She sighed and hugged herself, but keeping the one hand on his,"I really did. I couldn't believe it when I found out. I thought Gamzee was joking. I really hoped he was."

She could remember it like it was yesterday. The one year anniversary of this was a month ago. Gamzee had called her and told her that a truck driver had driven straight into him. He had gone flying off road.

"I can't remember anything after that. I think Equius drove me here. Terezi and Kanaya were holding each other in this very room. Kankri was in the corner. Silas was asking the doctors something. I hugged Kankri and we stood like that for a while. Somebody pulled us apart. Sollux showed up and he pulled me aside. I think he was sobbing by the time we had finished talking. Feferi ran into the room and she was in tears. She was a real mess, Karkat," Nepeta gave a slight smile,"If you wake up, you really should apologize to her. Really inconsiderate of you to do this to her, Kat."

She had stopped saying when a while ago.

"Then I came in every day and sat with Kankri, or Feferi, or somebody, and just sit with you. Maybe chat with somebody. Drink some tea. After a while I came by myself. I read to you. Sometimes I'd tell you about my day. I was really stupid, wasn't I? It's not like you could hear me."

_It's not like he can hear you now either._

"Meulin tried to cheer me up, but, you know, that never works. But hey, at least you did it after I graduated. At least you got to see that, huh? I honestly can't believe Kurloz would just smash a cupcake in my face afterward. What a rude guy! But you somehow imagined my face was the cupcake and proceeded to lick the icing off. Gross."

_He licked it off your cheek and you gasped in delight. You are lying._

"I guess I took you being with me for granted, huh? Every little moment. I just . . . I just thought was . . . I don't know. I guess I forgot how much it means to be with someone."

_And now you miss every moment._

"I couldn't stand it forever, you know. I stopped showing up a while ago. I only came when Kankri or Silas was here. And now they're halfway across the world and not here, not where they're supposed to be."

_With you._

"With you."

She felt herself shaking now. A lump made its way into her throat and she could feel something wet falling down her cheeks. Her face got hot and her eyes pulled themselves closed, and her hand gripped his and suddenly she was sobbing. Tears fell freely from her eyes and she dug her nails into his palm, her breath turning into choking sobs. She felt a chill run up her spine and she took a deep, shaky breath as it did. Tears fell off her chin and into her lap. She bent her head forward and clamped her lips together, hoping she could stop it now before it got out of hand. She felt the tears falling but she had gained control of the sobs now. She felt herself freeze as she took several shaky breaths, her head throbbing. She realized her tight grip on Karkat's hands and loosened it, but not letting go, never letting go. Nepeta wondered if she was overreacting, if this wasn't how she was supposed to act.

Suddenly she didn't care.

And suddenly she heard the door click closed.

Her head whipped around without thinking. Nepeta had a fleeting moment in when she didn't recognize him, but after a second she knew.

She'd recognize Gamzee anywhere.

Neither of them said anything. Gamzee must've seen her tear stains so she didn't bother hiding them. Nepeta noticed the light green bag in his hand. It had something inside of it, what it was, she had no clue. Gamzee's face was crestfallen and he looked heartbroken. She wondered what she had looked like earlier. She wondered what she looked like now.

"What?" Nepeta's voice came out as a snap and a sob and she hadn't intended that to happen. Gamzee looked down to his feet. Without a word he stepped forward and held out the bag, his eyes not meeting hers. Nepeta looked at the bag. Gamzee shook it slightly, gesturing her to take it. Nepeta, still keeping the one hand on Karkat, used the other and lightly grabbed the bag from Gamzee's grasp. Gamzee didn't look at her but turned back to the door and walked towards it. Nepeta watched him go. Gamzee grabbed the door handle and walked himself out, but stopped just as the door was about to close once more. He and Nepeta locked eyes.

"I'm sorry."

The door clicked shut.

She felt something drop into her chest. Her eyes stayed on the door for a moment, then turned slowly down at the bag in her hands. She could make something out inside. Something semi large. She took the hand off of Karkat's and reached inside the bag, her eyes staying on it. Almost as soon as she reached in she touched something . . .

Something furry?

Her hand gripped something with fluff or fur and she pulled it out.

"What?"

Her voice was small and quiet. Her hand held in front of her a small light brown stuffed cat, like one you'd get at . . .

"At Build-A-Bear?" Nepeta had half a mind to walk out there and ask Gamzee what was up.

Why had he given her a build a bear? Why?

She held it in both of her hands. Why this? Of all things? What did it mean? Did it mean anything?

She sighed. Another unsolved mystery. She wiped her tear tracks off her face. Maybe . . . Maybe he had thought it'd give her some comfort? Stuffed animals . . . Well, they were for hugging, after all.

She felt childish. She felt stupid. But it didn't matter. With a sob choked back she pulled the cat into her arms and hugged it, squeezed it, and--

She heard white noise come out of it. She heard somebody in the background laughing. She heard a voice she hadn't heard in one year, one month, and three days.

"Nep-- Gamzee stop it! -- Nepeta, will you marry me?"

Something inside of her shattered and her world went dark.

Somewhere someone was being interrogated.

Somewhere someone was holding their head in their hands, tears pouring out of their eyes, wondering if they had just done the right thing.

Somewhere someone was demanding tickets to New York City.

Somewhere someone was driving down the highway at high speeds.

Somewhere, Nepeta Leijon sat still as a rock in the red cushioned chair.

She stared at nothing in particular, feeling her heart pound without her. Moments, or maybe minutes, or perhaps hours, passed before she moved. Her head looked back down into the bag. She put the cat down and reached inside, looking for something. After moving her hand across the bottom of the bag, she found it. Nepeta quickly pulled it out and found herself looking at a blue cushioned box. Slowly, she reached a hand up and pulled it open.

A silver ring, with a tiny diamond, sat neatly inside the box. Without thinking she pulled it out and studied it. The diamond was shaped in half a heart and she felt hers breaking inside of her. She couldn't think of anything to say. Her mind was blank.

Except for one thing.

"Yes," Her voice barely above a whisper," _Yes_." She felt tears streaming down her cheeks again and she didn't care as she turned back around to Karkat. "I will." Her body shaking again she stood up and bent over and hugged his lifeless body, sobbing her eyes out. "Yes, _yes_ , yes, _I do,_ " She heard herself saying as tears poured down her cheeks and her body shook with sobs. Nepeta could hear herself saying more but she didn't pay mind to it and her arms tightened around him and tears fell onto his body and arms tightened around her and her body shook with sobs and--

She felt a hand on her head, brushing her short dark hair. She felt somebody shooshing in her ear, a head on her shoulder.

And then, a voice spoke.

One she had just heard two minutes and twenty-eight seconds ago.

"Hey, what are you crying about?"

**Author's Note:**

> guess whos back back back
> 
> back again gain gain


End file.
